You Thought
by Queen of the Wild Frontier
Summary: Yami is leaving. Yuugi knows this, but that doesn't mean he accepts it. Yami x Yugi YAOI
1. Chapter One: Yuugi

_I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or it's characters._

_I don't own the song, My Immortal by Evanescence either.  
__**

* * *

You Thought**_

_Yami Yugi x Yuugi_

_I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears_

There's no way you understand. There's no way you care. You want to go home, and I can understand that. You don't belong here. The problem is, I don't think I do anymore either. I can see the sorrow in your eyes, Yami. I can see you're anxious to return to your homeland. I _understand _that. Was I really that stupid to think you would want to stay here with me?

_  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone_

I'm starting to feel that the sooner you leave, the better. Better for both of us. I know I'll miss you, but if you stay any longer, I know I'll feel more. I know I'll love you. _Really _love you. But I'll still wear a smile for you, Yami. I can't be so selfish as to actually get what I want. Like you are.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

I stayed up crying all of last night. I even had to remove a part of the Puzzle to make sure you would not know. I fear you probably know anyway, but you have many secrets of your own. Many even you cannot unlock. I'm sorry for yelling at you every time you use our mental link. I'm failing to see it as a strong spiritual bond we share, as you once fooled me it was. It was pure luck that I was able to solve the Puzzle. I have to believe that. For my own sake.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
_

I like to remember our time together. I like to think that you need me as much as I need you. But I know that I am the only one in need of comforting. The only one in need of any guidance, reassurance. You are a Pharaoh for goodness sake! I'm sure that I am only a tool. An instrument for you to reach your goal. A _vehicle _to drive towards your aim.

_But you still have  
All of me  
_

I don't care where you think you're going, Yami. I'm going to be left behind again. You might as well be headed to Pluto, or one of it's many moons. You may leave a free man, happy. But You'll leave me an empty shell of a boy. A small boy. I am nothing without you.

_  
You used to captivate me  
By your resonating light  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_

You made me into a hero. You. I'm still the shy, quiet boy from before we met. After you leave, I know I'll find myself quitting the Game. People will expect me to be the Great Yuugi Motou, but I will know that they really want you, you the Great Pharaoh. King of Games. I can't be you, Yami, I can't. I could try, but we are two different people. I even feel that our appearances are starting to differ, as if you are trying to become as different to me as possible. You are your own person and I respect that. I really do.

_  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me  
_

My every thought is of you, Yami. I started dating recently. Anzu is nice yes, but I find myself thinking; she's just not you. It is so shameful that I would be thinking of you that way. Wrong I know, if you knew you would brand me a freak. Judge me. That is something I just cannot risk. Cannot survive. I'm wounding Anzu as well by admitting these feelings to myself. If she ever were to find out, she would hate me just as much as you.

_  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase  
_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along_

I'll tell myself you never existed. You were just one hell of an imaginary friend. I will. If it helps us both to move on.

* * *

_I honestly have no idea where this is going... I think I'll do more chapters, but you know me, I'm lazy._

_Please review! It's my first work after months of writers block, cheers.  
_


	2. Chapter Two: Yami

It's so very short :S

Song is: Cancer by My Chemical Romance and I don't own it.

* * *

_Turn away,  
If you could get me a drink  
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded _

I see the way you look at me, Yuugi. I see the hatred. I see the pain. Your smiles are strained, fake. If that is the only way you're going to look at me then I wish that you would just refrain. Stop. Leave me be. I have nothing to say to that face.

_  
Call my aunt Marie  
Help her gather all my things  
And bury me in all my favourite colours,  
My sisters and my brothers, still, _

I'm going, Yuugi. I have to, and soon. Before I become too caught up in my own emotions. You value friendship, you'll understand, right? I want to be with my family, _my _friends. Is that so selfish? I think the selfish one here is you, making my final days here as painful as possible. But, I think you are doing it unintentionally. You don't mean to hurt me. Do you?

_  
I will not kiss you,  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.  
_

You think leaving is the only thing on my mind? How dare you? You make me out to be the cold hearted one? Just a visitor, a passer by in your world, devoid of any attachment? You are wrong, Yuugi. I hear your unasked questions, your unspoken words. You wonder why I will not hold you, treat you as more than friends, which we so clearly are. I'll tell you why; how hard do you think it will be to return to my rightful place as Pharaoh if I still hold those memories? _Well?_

_  
Now turn away,  
'Cause I'm awful just to see  
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,  
Oh, my agony, _

We are not the same, Yuugi. You are delusional if you believe that. Nor are we even from the same time. There are far too many differences to balance out our many physical similarities. Just as I know you do not feel pain as I do. Do not mourn as I do. To mourn something that has never come to pass, it is a hurt too deep to describe. Too harmful to share. I wouldn't wish that upon you.

_  
Know that I will never marry,  
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo_

But still, my thoughts of you will linger. I doubt I will ever move on. I shall be stuck in this state of limbo for an eternity. Doesn't that please you? If it does, then please, I ask the Gods to bestow that fate upon me. I beg of it, Yuugi.

_  
But counting down the days to go  
It just ain't living  
And I just hope you know_

We know the time is nigh. We know this, but when will we accept it? I feel my life fading. I merely _exist. _I do not live. If there is one thing I can promise you, let it be my life. My livelihood, my happiness. Hold on to those, Yuugi. Don't you dare give them up for anything. You hold them in your blessed hands and smile again with my stolen happiness.

_That if you say  
Goodbye today  
I'd ask you to be true_

I will rest easy knowing you are in the same pain as me. Knowing I was enough of an impact on your life to keep you up crying some nights. But of course, that goes beyond selfishness. Beyond delusions. You sleep well, love.

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you  
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you_

Love.


End file.
